A blessing in disguise

When I think back to early 2004 after my parents passed away, I can remember feeling so angry with God and figured he was just a mean asshole.

I mean who decides a 19 year old should be left alone and have to bury both her parents?

I also do remember looking to the sky and saying, “Ok, my heart is still beating so I must be here for something!” “I have a chance still!”

I didn’t know it then but it turns out that was the best case scenario for me. Not only am I grateful that my mom and dad potentially found peace but that whole timeframe/tragedy gave me MY life.

Their losses provided me the chance to heal and find my path without the chaos of addiction and human suffering. Even if the “work” has been painful and took the last 20 years to do!

This view point and gratefulness has been a baseline way of thinking which I have been able to apply in so many areas of life. Finding gratefulness in the most mundane and simple areas of life has given me such a sense of sovereignty.

I have been able to remember my own power and transcend traumatic situations that should have shattered me for good. And while I’ve been shattered, it hasn’t been for good and it never will be.

If I could give away that hope, gratefulness, appreciation of beauty and self trust, I would! In this ever changing and chaotic world, I wish for everyone to remember their own power and the ways everyone can flip your thinking.

If you’re struggling and hating god right now, try to find even the smallest positive thing or aspect to be grateful for. The long term outcome may just be the blessing you didn’t know you needed.

Let me know how I can help if you need it.

❤