Hi!! Thanks for stopping by! Get your popcorn and blankie. This may take awhile. Side note: Please forgive my spelling or grammar errors. It’s late on Thanksgiving night and I highly doubt I have edited this properly.
I am a childhood and betrayal trauma survivor. I’m a mother to two girls who are the most beautiful little beings I know and they are neurodivergent like myself and my husband. I over-share. I have diagnosed ADHD and suspected Autism as well. The dyslexia, dyscalculia, and singing to inanimate objects as a child should have been a clue to my parents… don’t ya think? It’s definitely a red flag for me now as an adult along with the side trail of this sentence.. Did I mention yet that I was raised by addicts that were busy with activities other than raising me properly? 😉 While I’m on that, I’m pretty sure my neuro-spicy brain is what got me through my chaotic childhood. That and being completely scared shitless of what would happen to me if I followed the path my parents followed. They were “functioning drug addicts who basically threw me out in front on the train of life by the time I was 14 and died within 7 weeks of one another in 2004. Both related to their crack, cocaine, pill, weed use and love of soda, pizza and hotdogs.
Moving on- I was an orphaned only child without the legal title because I was 19/20 years old. But as with most secret drug users back in the 80’s and 90’s extended families turned their heads in shame and denial. With the exception of 2-3 relatives who helped with money here and there and 3 childhood friends I was alone after the deaths of my parents and even more isolated prior to their demise.
After their deaths on ’04- Fast forward through a year and a half of homeless, poor, abandonment, death and who knows what else trauma that plagued my life, I almost died because my body was overloaded with trauma and a normal amount of drinking with friends in July 2005 caused my heart to swell. So that really had me convinced that by 24 I would be dead. Spoiler alert: Im 40 now! WHOOOO!
I got married in October 2005 because that man knew my parents and accepted me despite the trauma and insanity that was my life.
We had a daughter in 2008 and I realized that I got married because I wanted a family and felt like I owed him for tolerating my shitty life. OOF…
Well, let me tell you what a good decision maker trauma fashioned me to be- I divorced him and got remarried in 2014.
After my 2nd husband betrayed our vows by hiding his addiction for 7 years I don’t think I ever felt so crazy. I married this man because I loved and trusted him mostly because our interactions felt normal to me due to being raised in addiction. Little did I know at the time, though.
My discovery of his addiction was in 2019 and I found myself completely enveloped in trauma patterns and going bananas trying to save the family I thought I had.
Not showering, living on Rice Krispie treats, and needing to take painkillers until I made it to a surgery date for a hysterectomy. I was jobless from being a stay at home mom and completely gaslit. Holy crap! What a wild ride that was! It’s a little funny now that I have some healing under my belt.
After about a month of “poor me” I flung into childhood trauma survivor mode. Go GO Gadget addict, death, homeless survivor skills! I had gotten a job, health insurance and was scheduled to get my hysterectomy in March 2020. I got that surgery the day before the world shut down for COVID. Thank god because needing to live on pain killers was really tweaking my “am I an addict like my parents voice”. Next spoiler: I haven’t had a painkiller since. Moving on. After recovering from surgery, I was working in banking and with the public during the pandemic and had two kids at home. I threw my husband out in April 2020 only to let him back in July. Thats when I started having autoimmune symptoms and by November of 2020 I realized I need an actual trauma therapist because all I was doing was trying to “save my addict parents” in my marriage.
I have done EMDR therapy, extensive talk and group therapy in order to be able to get through the way C-PTSD/PTSD ruled my personality and entire life. Only to uncover that at my core is the above brain stuff going on which is at times harder to handle than the CPTSD personality I had. HAHA! Jokes on me! Clearing the trauma DID NOT set me free. Since then though, I have come a long way. I was diagnosed with Mast Cell activation syndrome and Lupus (thanks trauma!) I have rocked out with a fleeting yet successful career in sales. Which I sadly left behind. My uncovered and raw neurodivergence combined with navigating learning better boundaries after trauma therapy was hard to navigate. In typical ADHD fashion, I overshared about my personal life which left me open for misinterpretations. Then I got extra confusing when I started gaining stronger boundaries and taking myself and my needs more seriously and working relationships went sour. Whomp, WHOMP! With that said, all of the above has led me right back here. I started this Blog in 2016 before I knew my marriage was a bag of lies. Now that my husband and I have started to really heal this marriage/family with his recovery and my therapy, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Picking up where I left off. Sharing my story with the world. Both about my parents/ childhood and now about navigating betrayal trauma during a pandemic with a different brain and with a husband who’s brain is different as well. Yes, my husband was found to have ADHD and Autism once he got some sobriety under his belt. Let me tell you, recovering a relationship from sex addiction is SO much harder and traumatizing that just drug addiction.
In conclusion, my life has been FUN! I mean, chock full of hard earned lessons and I have a lot of experience to share!
As far as JUST me, I love art, astrology, numerology, cooking, gardening, and animals. Specifically ducks, owls and all domesticated fur-babies. I will kick your ass in Monopoly so be like my husband and kids and don’t bother playing with me. 🙂
My ultimate dream is to publicly speak and publish a book about my life and my children’s book. I know that the lessons I’ve learned and wisdom I have gained can be empowering to others. Giving others hope by sharing the truths of my life is truly a priviledge! Please remember that no matter where you find yourself in life, you are worthy and here for a purpose! Be well and thanks again for taking the time to read!
If you have any questions, please feel free to comment or email me at harmonyroad4@gmail.com.
All drawings/writings posted are originals by me and all intellectual property is Copyright RoadToHarmony by Jessica Donovan 2025.
Road To Harmony 
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